Valentine’s Day, amirite? All the hearts, commercialization and the bad Katherine Hiegl movies are just TOO MUCH for a guy like me. My favorite romantic nights (alone) have been super low-key, dinner and a movie (for one), but I know that some movies I have watched were better suited for certain couples. So, in honor of Hallmark’s big day, I’ve compiled a list of romantic movies that I’ve seen on Netflix streaming and categorized them based on what kind of relationship you have/want to have. So let’s get the sexxxy times started! Here’s a movie for…
If your romantic interests and pursuits follow the trends of the classics, why not take it all the way back to Elizabethian England? Joseph Fiennes plays a down-on-his-luck William Shakespeare who is fresh out of play ideas and seeking a muse. In casting a lead for his next play Romeo and Juliet, he meets Viola (a pre-GOOP Gwyneth Paltrow), who yearns to act but is forbidden by England’s patriarchal laws. The two begin a passionate love affair, and, inspired by his love, Shakespeare begins to churn out the play. It’s a great period piece that’s beautifully acted and aesthetically engaging, and will certainly help get the ‘conversation’ going afterward.
If you want to impress your date with how fancy and cultured and tolerant of the gays you are, then boy is Weekend the movie for you! Russell (Tom Cullen) has what is supposed to be a one-night stand with Glen (Chris New), but over the course of the weekend, they continue to interact by going out, taking drugs and having sex. It’s honest and raw and about the ‘cool minority’ and it looks like it is shot completely on Instagram. Plus it’s a British film so it’s technically foreign. Its honest and emotional story will certainly get your cold hipster date to defrost their bitter PBR-filled heart and open themselves up to you.
For those who want to keep their dates more cas’ by watching a movie and then ‘watching a movie’ (that means sex, just in case I was being too subtle), then pull up Bedrooms & Hallways. It stars Kevin McKidd (sexy name there man) as Leo, a down-on-his-luck man who joins a ‘men’s support group’ and declares his attraction to Brendan (the super handsome James Purefoy), who, to his (and maaaaybe my delight), becomes his lover. The story also jumps between this relationship and of Leo’s roommate Darren (Tom Hollander), whose escapades with his lover Jeremy (Hugo Weaving) make up for some of the movie’s more amusing scenes. The sex scenes will provide you and your date plenty of ideas and opportunities for ‘activities’ during or post-viewing (I still mean sex, just FYI).
…the Friend-Only Couple: Clueless (1995)
After a night of fun Singles Awareness Day activities such as complaining about how lonely you are and eating a whole pint of ice cream, you and your bestie’ll need a fun, fast paced movie to pick up your spirits, and Clueless is the perfect remedy for singledom blues. Cher (Alicia Silverstone) is a popular, envied girl who decides to play matchmaker with two teachers at her high school. After finding out how good helping others makes her feel, she picks another student, ‘tragically unhip’ Tai (Brittany Murphy) to makeover in hopes of “initiating” her into popularity. It’s filled with laughs and the movie itself is just a whole lot of fun, and the ending will have you and your friend-date believing in love again.
If your date is the kind that likes to read David Foster Wallace every Sunday in their favorite sunlit corner of the indie coffee shop they frequent, they’ll probably love this movie. Joel (a magnetic Jim Carrey) and Clementine (Kate Winslet) are two people who meet on a train and decide to start a relationship despite their wildly different personalities. It’s a bit on the quirky side and the way the scenes are cut may be confusing but it’s ultimately very sad but also very warm, with a pastel color palette and lovely, lovely characters. Best of all, you’ll have plenty of gif sets to cry to on Tumblr afterward.
There you have it, a few recommendations to fit any couple’s (and my) needs for that special night with that special someone (or you know yourself. I’m so lonely) Of course, if you just want to get down to business, Internet porn exists. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a pint of ice cream to attend to.